


Empty Bottles.

by Ilovegrapes



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Developing Friendships, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hotel Sex, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Smut, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:26:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24132049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilovegrapes/pseuds/Ilovegrapes
Summary: Harry Winks has a wet dream about Jan and that causes him to question everything he knows about himself.
Relationships: Dele Alli/Eric Dier (background), Jan Vertonghen/Harry Winks
Comments: 18
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my loves! I'm back with another Jinks story, I just can't help myself! Hope you enjoy<3

_ “Do I make you nervous?” Jan whispered into his ear, his warm breath ghosting against his skin sending a tingle down his spine. _

_ “No?” Harry tried to deny and Jan slowly pressed him back against the wall. _

_ “What is it then?” _

_ “Nothing, I don’t know what you’re talking about?” _

_ Harry could feel his heart beating out of his chest, every alarm bell in him going off. Jan’s voice in his ear made him feel things, things he hadn’t felt before. _

_ “You act different around me, I want to know why?” _

_ “I don’t” _

_ “Yes you do, you won’t even look me in the eye” _

_ Harry looked up at the taller man, their eyes finally meeting and Harry could sense hunger and lust in them.  _

_ “Happy?” _

_ “Yes” _

_ Jan’s hand moved up to his neck, the defender traced his jaw with his thumb.  _

_ “What is it about me that makes you nervous?” Jan whispered, their lips almost touching and Harry had never felt more of an urge to kiss someone than at that moment. _

_ “You don’t make me nervous“ Harry said, his eyes never leaving Jan’s lips . _

_ “Are you sure?” Jan asked. He suddenly felt Jan’s other hand slide between them groping his hardness over his pants. _

_ “Fuck Jan-” Harry held back a moan, his breath getting stuck in his throat. _

_ “I can feel how hard you are, is this turning you on?” He squeezed Harry, rubbing him harder and harder until Harry felt his hips move up to meet his movements. _

_ “Y-yes” _

_ “I knew it would” _

_ Harry spread his legs apart allowing Jan to slide his hand underneath the other man’s waistband. Jan’s hand wrapped around his throbbing length and Harry let out a filthy moan, the feeling of the defenders strong hand on his sensitive cock sent a shiver down his spine. Jan pressed him back against the wall, one hand in his pants jerking him off. Harry closed his eyes in pleasure and let his mouth hang open, whimpers escaping occasionally, his hands clinging on to Jan’s sides. He sounded desperate for it, probably because he was. His cock felt wet, precum dripping onto Jan’s hand. The defender whispering sweet nothings into his ear, encouraging him. “You’re so cute”, “Good boy”, “Baby”, “Sweet cock”, every sound that came out of the belgian made his cock twitch. He wanted to reach out and touch the defender but for some reason he didn’t have the strength too, instead he let the other man take complete control and dominate. Harry felt the pleasure building up, his balls tightening and his knees almost buckling at the feeling. He was so close he could feel it- _

Suddenly everything went black a distant sound getting louder and louder in the background,  _ his alarm clock _ . He slowly blinked himself awake, moving one hand to click on the stop button. Harry let out a frustrated grunt when he saw the time. He had to be in training in about an hour. The faint memory of his dream slowly getting back to him as he rolled on to his back to get up. He was hard, fully hard, leaking in fact. Harry sat up looked down at the mess, a wet patch had formed in his boxers. Did he seriously just have a wet dream? He hadn’t had one of those in ages. The images of Jan touching him, whispering things, making him hard, everything suddenly coming back to him. Harry dropped back against the mattress again, looking up at the ceiling, trying to figure out why his body and mind were acting up. Why he’d just had a sex dream about his teammate, about Jan Vertonghen. He couldn’t be bothered to deal with it all so he decided to do the adult thing and push it all back and get himself cleaned. 

He jerked himself off in the shower, his mind doing everything not to cooperate with him, images of the dream popping up randomly in his head. In the end he’d managed to think about boobs enough for Jan to finally disappear out of his mind. He came into his fist and it had felt like he’d been holding in that load for a week, it felt incredible. 

It was still dark outside, the rain dripping against the window sill, it was one of those winter mornings where it felt like he was the only one awake. The fog creating a thick layer in the air and he couldn’t for the life of him muster enough strength to walk outside the door, prolonging it to the very last minute. He hated waking up for the morning sessions but he didn’t mind the session once he got there. Also he enjoyed eating breakfast with the lads it reminded him of his school days in the canteen. 

He walked into the building and straight into the canteen. He greeted the chef’s and ordered his favourite pancakes. Most of the boys were already there and he looked over the room his eyes immediately finding Jan. For some reason he felt his heart speed up. He wasn’t even looking back at him, deep in conversation with Michel and Toby. Harry quickly looked away and started to walk in the opposite direction, towards Kyle and Ryan. He didn’t know why he was acting this way, why all of the sudden the thought of being near Jan felt overwhelming-

”Winksy!” 

He swore to himself, instantly recognising the voice. Jan’s eyebrows were raised in confusion, nodding toward the empty chair at their table. Jan had a right to be confused, Harry was confused himself, he always sat with the Belgians for breakfast, he’d done so for at least three months now, when him and Jan started getting closer. 

He turned around and walked over to the older boys with his pancakes in his hand and sat himself down in his usual spot. 

”Didn’t see you guys” Harry chuckled nervously. His mind coming up with probably the worst excuse, he cursed himself for it.

”We always sit here?” Toby laughed and Jan looked at Harry like he was trying to figure him out. Eyes burning into him.

Harry avoided looking at the other defender for some reason afraid that the other man would be able to read his mind. Afraid that he could tell Harry had had a sex dream about him, afraid that he could tell he woke up hard and came to the thought. 

”I’m just a bit tired”

“You look it” Toby said and Harry pretended to get offended. “I’m joking, I’m joking”

Thankfully the boys dropped the subject and Harry returned to a semi normal state, able to at least hold a conversation with Jan and the other boys. The rest of the day went as expected he’d pretty much avoided looking at anybody in the changing room afraid he’d catch a glance of the belgian and that it would awaken something in him again. He didn’t want to risk it. He basically power walked out of the facilities when the day was over and he thought he’d managed to get away when he suddenly heard someone call out his name, again.

“Wait up”

_ Fuck _ . He slowed down and watched the older man walk up to him. 

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong” Harry answered and Jan looked at him, rolling his eyes, not buying it for one second. He hated how well the other man was able to read him. He knew something was wrong but Harry wasn’t going to admit it.

“You practically ran out of there”

“Oh yeah, I’ve got this thing I’ve got to do” 

Jan chuckled not believing him for one second. “A thing?” 

“Yeah, it’s uhm- it’s a date” Harry scratched the back of his neck feeling hot and nervous for some reason. He hated being put on the spot and he hated lying, especially to Jan. 

“A date? Really? Okay” 

The older man didn’t seem convinced. It wasn’t that far fetched, he didn’t know why Jan wouldn’t believe him. He could admit it wasn’t the most logical excuse but he’d been on plenty of dates recently.

“Don’t act so surprised” 

“No, it’s just you haven’t told me about it, that’s all”

He looked a bit hurt by it and Harry wanted to tell him he was lying but then he’d have to explain why. He hated seeing Jan hurt or disappointed in him, he absolutely hated it.

“It was kind of last minute, she just messaged me about it”

“Oh well then I hope you have fun on your date” 

“Thanks”

There was a tension between them and Harry knew he was acting weird but it felt weird, being around Jan just felt weird. “See you tomorrow yeah?”

“Yeah” He waved Jan off. The dream was eating at him, driving him insane. He couldn’t look at Jan without getting reminded of the man’s strong hands on him, of how much he’d enjoyed it and how his body reacted. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how to explain that to the other man, it felt easier to lie.

It was normal, wasn’t it? It didn’t mean anything, his mind was playing tricks. It was just a dream a silly dream. They’d spent so much time together so naturally he would dream about the other man. It was just a dream right? He kept telling himself that. 

You don’t have sex dreams about your friends, it wasn’t normal. He knew that deep down.

***

“What are you doing here?” 

“I know you’re avoiding me” Jan walked right in through the door closing it behind, not waiting for Harry to invite him in. Voice calm, hand hiding something behind his back.

“I’m not” Harry tried.   
  


“Yes you are Winksy, I’m not stupid”

“I’ve just had a lot on my mind that’s all”

“Well I brought wine” Jan said, waving the bottle he’d hid behind his back with a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

“Wine?”

“Yeah, you’re not the one who’s got a lot on their mind” 

The older man walked past him into the hotel room. It wasn’t the first time they’d snuck alcohol in. He knew they weren’t supposed too, especially not the night before a game, but they did it either way. Besides the thought of having a drop of wine sounded just perfect, especially if Jan was insisting on staying.

Harry took a seat on the bed, propping up some pillows and leaning back against the headboard. Jan twisted the bottle open and took a seat beside him, the bed dipping as Jan sat himself down. He watched the other man take a sip directly from the bottle before holding it out for Winksy to do the same. The background noise from the tv filled up the quiet room and as soon as he took the first sip he felt himself relax. Being in the presence of Jan was difficult, the alcohol made it slightly more manageable for his nerves. They passed the bottle between them, the comfortable silence filling up the room, until Jan finally spoke.

“I’m sorry if I’ve done something...If I’ve made you uncomfortable or...”

“Uncomfortable? You haven’t done anything Jan”

“Well I don’t know, you won’t tell me what’s wrong”

Harry looked away, unable to meet the older man’s eyes. His head spinning with thoughts or maybe it was the alcohol that had started to kick in, he wasn’t sure.   
  


“You won’t look me in the eyes” Jan stated, brows furrowed. His voice quiet as if he was telling Harry a secret.

“I don’t?” Harry said, forcing himself to look at Jan. Their eyes meeting for the first time in ages. His heartbeat sped up and he couldn’t help but bring the bottle to his lips again, feeling the heat rising in him. His treacherous body reacting to Jan’s every move. He suddenly became very aware of how close they were. He could see every single detail of the other man's face. His faint freckles speckled over his skin. The wrinkles around his eyes that creased when he smiled. His lips,  _ God his lips. _

“No” Jan whispered. “Talk to me Winksy”

“I....” He felt stupid, silly for taking this whole thing so far. For making Jan believe he’d done something wrong. All because he couldn’t keep his dick down. “I had a dream about you” He finally admitted. Or maybe it had slipped out, he wasn’t really sure.

“A dream?” Jan’s eyes flickered between Harry’s eyes and lips. The wine definitely having an affect on them. “What kind of dream?” 

“A sex dream” He said quietly. Never in a million years would he have thought he’d admit it to the other man and maybe he wouldn’t have if he’d been sober. But the way Jan was looking at him, the way he didn’t as much as flinch when he said it, made him drop all his guards.

“And?”

“You’re not surprised?” 

“No not really” Jan took a long sip out of the bottle, eyes never leaving Harry. Maybe Jan was able to read him better than he’d thought.

“I can’t get it off my mind” The boy admitted, voice almost a whisper.

Jan watched him closely, eyes studying him. He slowly took a sip from the wine again before he spoke. “Never have I ever had a sex dream about my teammate”

Harry let out a small scoff, rolling his eyes at Jan’s sudden attempt to play ‘never have I ever’. “You really want to play right now?”

“Yeah” Jan flashed him a cheeky smirk, biting his lower lip, head leaning back against the headboard. God, he was so hot.

“Okay…” Harry took the bottle from Jan’s grip, fingers brushing as he did. He drank from it, tongue slightly flicking out against the rim sensually before he brought it to his lips. Jan flashed him smile, eyebrows raising at Harry’s boldness. The Belgian held out his hand, asking for the bottle back. Jan brought it to his lips and took a sip. Harry felt his heart skip a beat. 

“You have? About who?”

Jan let out a tut. “No questions”

“Fine” Harry said. “My turn...”

“Never have I ever…. had a sexual thought about the person sitting next to me”

“Clever boy” Jan said taking yet another long sip, eyes still glued to the boy. He gave the bottle to Winksy already knowing he’d drink the last drop of what was left. 

Something in the air between them changed. There was like a mysterious force pulling them closer and for some reason Harry couldn’t help his mind from going places they shouldn’t. Harry leaned into Jan’s space, putting the bottle down on the bedside table on Jan’s side. 

Their lips were a centimeter apart from touching, noses brushing and he could feel the other mans warm and breath on him. Every part of his mind screamed for him to stop, to pull away, but he couldn’t bring himself to. They were treading a risky thin line, if it got crossed they’d probably never comeback from it. There was a part of Harry that didn’t care about the consequences a part of him that wanted to say fuck it.

He blamed it on the alcohol, on the empty wine bottle on the table. They weren’t thinking straight and it had been a long day. It was the alcohol. _ It was. _

“Never have I ever kissed a guy before” Jan whispered into the intimate space between them. Jan felt the younger boy exhale a shaky breath, his eyes glued to Harry’s lips. 

“I haven’t”

  
Jan’s thumb gently brushed against his bottom lip, Winksy’s lips parting slightly as he did. The older man cupped his face. “Do you want to?” He asked, and Harry couldn’t help but nod.

“Please” He let out with a shaky breath. He didn’t know which one of them had made the final move, maybe it had been him, but all questions flew out the window as he felt Jan’s soft lips move against his. It was careful at first, both of them trying to explore the new territory. Jan lips tasted sweet and Harry instantly knew that he’d grow addicted to the taste. He felt the older man’s fingers brush the hairs on his neck, trying to deepen the kiss, urging Harry to open his mouth with his tongue. It didn’t take much for Harry to part his lips, allowing Jan to explore. 

It was so easy kissing Jan, so easy. It was everything he’d expected and more. He exhaled into the kiss, a sigh of relief. It didn’t feel much different to kissing a girl, in a way it felt better. Sure the scratchiness from Jan’s beard was new but the feeling of Jan taking control, his dominance,  _ everything. _

The kiss quickly got heated and before he knew it, Jan had him pinned back against the mattress, kissing him deeply and desperate. The Belgian settled himself in between Harry’s legs, their bodies pressed together. Harry was hungry, matching the older man’s heat and passion. His hands moving up and down Jan’s sides, moving underneath his shirt, up his back. Jan’s hands doing the same, moving up Harry’s shirt, firm hands gracing his toned muscles. Harry arched into Jan’s touch. He never wanted it to end, he wanted more, he was desperate for it. 

Jan kissed down his neck, mapping out the freckles on his skin. He felt himself quickly grow hard in his pants, cock straining against the material. Jan moved slowly down his body, kissing down his neck, travelling south. Harry’s heartbeat quickened with every second as he realised where this was going. 

Harry quickly removed his shirt, his head spinning. The wine helped, it really did. Jan pressed his lips against the naked skin, sucking a mark on the dip of his hip bone. The boy couldn’t help but let out a quiet moan. His heart speeding as Jan got closer and closer to his crotch. A part of him desperately wanting it, the other part convinced he’d wake up at any second, covered in sweat and precum. But it didn’t happen, it wasn’t a dream, this wasn’t a dream.

He felt Jan’s fingers begin to fumble with his drawstrings, slowly getting his sweatpants off. Harry let out a shaky breath as he watched the other man tugging at his waistband, eyes looking up at him with a hunger he’d never seen before. Harry lifted his hips and Jan swiftly removed the pair of sweats, throwing them somewhere on the hotel floor. He lay there, with only a pair of underwear on, cock hard as a rock, ready for whatever Jan wanted to do to him. 

The belgian nudged his legs further apart and resumed his position between the midfielders legs, kissing his inner thighs teasingly. Harry bit his lower lip trying to stop himself from letting out any embarrassing sounds. Jan was only an inch away from his hardness and the thought of what was about to happen made his head spin. The Belgian slowly removed the last piece of clothing, leaving him completely naked. Harry’s cock bounced free, throbbing thickly against his hip bone. Jan looked at it closely, eyes glued to Harry’s length. His eyes filled with lust and hunger and the boy had never seen Jan like that. It was a side of him he’d definitely get used too. 

Jan took him in his fist, wrapping his fingers around his base giving his cock a few slow strokes. Harry moaned sweetly, a sound that made the Belgian’s eyes flicker up. He quickened his pace around him in an attempt to make Harry repeat the sound. And of course he succeeded, Harry was incredibly sensitive, any type of pressure around his cock made his head spin.

“So sensitive” Jan said, his voice low and  _ so fucking sexy _ . “Tell me Winksy, what was your sex dream about?”

“Y-you jerked me off” Harry said, breath shaky as Jan flicked his wrist. “Like that” He moaned.

“Like this?” Jan asked, flicking his thumb over his sensitive slit, rubbing the tip hard. Harry nodded. “Yes”

Jan bit his lower lip. “I’ve thought about touching you like this for years” 

_ Years, _ Harry thought, Jan had wanted this for years. 

“What else?” Harry asked, chest falling and rising heavy as the other man sped up his pace.

“I’ve thought about sucking you off…” Jan said, tongue finally flicking out to meet his shaft.  _ Fuck,  _ Harry breathed. Jan’s tongue licking from the base to the tip ”Eating you out....fingering you...fucking you” Every pause punctuated with an open mouthed kiss on his shaft. “I’ve touched myself thinking about the things I’d do to you” The older man continued, the obscene noises filling up the room as Jan made out with his tip.   
  


“Yeah?” Harry moaned as he watched the older, experienced man suck him off.

“Yeah” Jan repeated. The visual of the defender in between his legs was almost too much, he threw his head back against the pillow as he felt Jan’s lips wrap around him. He took him in, inch by inch he started sucking him off. The words echoing in his mind.  _ ‘Eating you out, fingering you, fucking you’.  _ The thought of Jan fucking him made his cock twitch. Jan picked up his rhythm, cheeks hollowing as his head bobbed up and down fast. Harry didn’t know what to do with his hands, needing to grab on to something anything. He moaned freely into the room as Jan took all of him in with ease, his eyes watching Harry very closely. Jan had done this before, he could tell. The way his tongue worked around his shaft expertly gave it away instantly. Harry grabbed a fistful of the sheets as Jan slurped around his cock. 

The older man pulled away, a trail of saliva following his plump lips. Harry whined in protest, his hips moving up to meet Jan’s fist. The older man brought his free hand down to Harry’s balls, rolling and massaging them between his fingers and Harry felt them tighten.  _ He was close. _

“I think about you when I watch porn, when I jerk off, during sex, imagining that the hole I’m fucking belongs to you” Jan said, voice raspy and low, nipping at the sensitive skin on his inner thigh.

“J-Jan” Every other word in his mind gone, the only thing he could say was ‘Jan’. His hips moving up to meet the older man’s movements fucking into Jan’s tight fist, desperate for it. 

“You drive me crazy Winksy, you have no idea what you do to me” Jan whispered and with that he couldn’t hold it in any longer. He felt himself reach his boiling point, face scrunching up in pleasure, mouth parted and cheeks flushed as he came into Jan’s big fist. White liquid dripping down the hand that was working him through his orgasm, squeezing every last drop out of him. Loud and shameless moans along with the praise Jan was giving him filled up the room. He hadn’t cum that hard in ages, every muscle in his body felt like jelly. 

Jan continued, his fist working him slowly. Harry winced his overstimulated cock twitching in protest. “Uhh- please Jan” The older man stopped, moving up his body, peppering kisses along Winksy’s sleepy face. Harry wrapped his arms around the bigger man nuzzling his face in the crook of Jan’s neck.

“That feel good?” Jan whispered and all the boy could do was nod and nuzzle himself closer. 

It felt so good. 

  
  


***

He woke up from the sound of someone knocking at the door. His heavy eyes slowly blinking awake as the annoying banging kept getting louder and louder. Harry let out a groan, his muscles tired and head hurting from the wine he had yesterday.  _ Wine, him and Jan, in this bed, shit.  _ The memories slowly came back to him. He turned around expecting to see the Belgian there but the space next to him was empty. He would’ve thought he’d dreamt it all if it hadn’t been for the empty wine bottle on the nightstand. 

”Winksy!” A muffled voice shouted from the other side of the door. It was Dele.

He jumped out of bed despite his body telling him to do the complete opposite. He quickly hid the bottle somewhere and put on the first t-shirt he could find. 

”What?” He groaned as he opened the door.

“Good Morning sunshine”

“Morning” He mumbled, leaning against the doorframe. His head pounding like crazy.

”I texted you like fifty times, I had to come check and see whether you were still alive or not” Del said with his phone in on hand. “You certainly don’t look it” He added.

“I’ll be down in a minute”

“You missed breakfast, coach leaves in an hour”

“What? What’s the time” Harry said grabbing Dele’s phone from his hand before he could say anything. 12:30. “Shit”

“They’ve probably set aside a plate for you but I don’t think the coaches are happy” 

He’d overslept a few times before it wasn’t the first time in his career he’d missed breakfast but still, it wasn’t ideal especially not in front of the new staff and the new boss. He dreaded to think what they would be assuming about him. “I need to get ready” He said as panic washed in. Hoping this hadn’t caused him to miss out on a start. 

“Yeah you do. Oh and Winksy,” Dele said before turning away, a smug smirk painting his face. “You’re wearing Jan’s shirt” 

He looked down and saw the number 5 painted on his chest. His cheeks rising with heat as he realised he’d been stood there with it on. He was about to come up with an excuse when he saw that Dele was long gone.  _ As if his day couldn’t have gotten worse. _

He felt the water prickle down his skin as he stood under the forceful hot stream. The bathroom filling up with steam as he tried to wash away the memories from the night before. Mind filled with thoughts, head spinning as he still felt the ghost of Jan’s lips against his skin. 

Jan hadn’t said anything, nothing. He’d left him in his deep sleep to wake up alone and confused. When did he leave? This morning? Last night? Did Jan regret it? Did he? Why wouldn’t he? Jan had a girlfriend… he had kids… and  _ shit,  _ it dawned on him. Why was he so stupid? Why did he think Jan would risk losing his family for him, for a one time thing. He’d probably felt sorry for him, he’d been drunk, they’d both been drunk. It didn’t mean anything, It hadn’t meant anything.

The words echoed in his mind, _ ‘he didn’t mean it’. _


	2. Chapter Two

Harry had texted him that day, half an hour before they were meant to be at the ground, an hour before he’d told Dele to check up on the boy.

_ Winksy: Sorry for yesterday. I was a bit drunk. _

His heart dropped, the sinking feeling of Harry waking up with regret hit him. Had he gone too far? Was that why he hadn’t come down for breakfast? Because he couldn’t bare the thought of facing him. God, he felt sick, he’d messed up. His fingers hovered above the keyboard, fingers ghosting over the letters. His mind went blank.

**_You: Me too_ **

***

Days, weeks, a month passed and Jan and Harry somehow slowly slipped back into some type of normality. The night they’d shared left unspoken and almost forgotten between the two of them. 

It was after the City game and they’d managed to scrape a win. The feeling around the dressing room was good, buzzing, they hadn’t had a win that felt this good for a long time. Jose had been happy with their performance, he’d said it had showed fight and even though he hadn’t really been involved, seeing the team in good spirits was something he’d never get tired of. 

His eyes travelled to where Winksy was stood. The boy smiling from ear to ear as he joked around with Mich.

“Winksy, looking good! Going on a date, are you?” He heard Serge shout from his spot in the dressing room. Harry had changed into a white button up shirt and a pair of black trousers. The sleeves were rolled up enough to show a bit of his arm. He looked good,  _ really good,  _ and all the boys were now making a scene of it _. _

“Shut up” Harry laughed slightly embarrassed. A pink shade rising on his freckled cheeks.

“Who’s the lucky lady huh?” Moussa asked wiggling his eyebrows and he could see the boy rolling his eyes at the sudden commotion. 

Jan watched as they all started questioning Harry and Jan felt an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“We’re just going for dinner” He heard the boy tell the other lads who had all assembled themselves around Harry to see a photo of her on instagram.

He wasn’t jealous, he had nothing to be jealous of, it was just that Harry hadn’t told him about it. He hadn’t told Jan about his date, he hadn’t told him he was seeing a new girl he hadn’t told him anything. Jan was usually one of the first people to find out and he felt out of the loop.  _ Why hadn’t Harry told him about it? _

“You alright?” A voice spoke in Dutch in the seat beside him. Toby staring back at him.

“Yeah, fantastic” He said sighing, throwing his shampoo and conditioner in his wash bag. 

  
  


He caught up with Harry as they were both heading for the underground carpark. The elevator doors closed and a silence washed over them.

“Date huh?” Jan said in a light tone, nudging the boys shoulder with his. He tried his best not to seem like he was bothered or annoyed because he really wasn’t.

“Yeah, we’re just going out for drinks nothing more” Harry realised and looked at him apologetically? 

“Nothing more?” It wasn’t his place to comment he shouldn’t have said anything he knew it but he couldn’t help himself. Harry was about to speak when Jan cut him off. 

“Who is she then?” 

“Her name is Lowri” 

He hated how his face lit up slightly, he hated it. He hated how Harry pulled out his phone to show him a picture and Jan hated himself for how much he didn’t care about her.   
  


“She’s very pretty” He mumbled under his breath, not even sure Harry had picked up on it.

She was very pretty. She had long brown hair and her body was great, she had a petite frame that he knew the boy liked in women. She was just his type. Jan didn’t see it though, he couldn’t imagine the two of them together. She didn’t look right for him but he wasn’t going to tell Harry that, of course he wasn’t. Instead he nodded and smiled as Harry scrolled through her feed. He pretended to be interested about her, Harry’s words not registering in his mind.

“You look good” He heard himself say.

“You think?” Harry looked up at him doe eyed, eyes glistening from the elevator spotlights. He cursed himself for saying anything.

“Yeah of course, I mean you always do” Jan said matter of factly, trying his best not to give anything away. Friends complimented each other right? It was no big deal.

Harry blushed, eyes diverting to the ground. The boy tried to hide the small smile forming his pink lips, by biting down on his lower lip. Jan’s mind instantly remembering every single detail of the Harry’s lips on his. The taste, the feeling, everything-

“Thank you” 

It took every bit of will power left in him to not click the stop button and push the boy against the mirrored walls to kiss him. Just to show him that he was a better kisser than Lucy, or whatever her name was. The doors pinged open and Harry waved him goodbye as he walked towards his car at the opposite end of the car park.

_ Okay maybe he’d been a little bit jealous. _

  
  


***

“What’s it like? Being with a guy,” He heard himself blurt out.

He was on his second glass of wine and his mind was racing, the thoughts of Harry slowly driving him insane. He’d never been with another man before. He’d had sex with men, sure, but he’d never actually had any feelings remotely similar to the feelings he had for Harry. 

“What do you mean?” Eric said, pulling his eyes away from the chess board in front of him. The younger man was looking at him with a confused look, like he couldn’t really figure out what Jan was asking him.

“I don’t know”

“Jan?” Eric looked confused, bless him. Of course he would be confused, Jan barely knew what he was talking about himself.

“Just wondering I guess”

Eric leaned back against his seat, staring at him intensely. “Spit it out”

“I’ve just been thinking about stuff lately” He said, “And I don’t know, I think I might be into someone...a guy” Jan admitted and well, it felt better than he had expected. He hadn’t said it out loud until then. Harry was the only one on his mind, he was all he could think about.  _ Harry, Harry, Harry. _

“Oh” 

“I think I might be into him, as in  _ really _ into him” 

Eric knew about Jan’s sexuality, he’d never hid it from the other man, not when Eric had been so open to him about his own bisexuality. Eric knew about his previous encounters with men, but this was different, this wasn’t a casual one night stand with someone he’d flirted with at the bar, no this was his teammate.

Eric took a sip of his wine before speaking. 

“Well...It felt very new and scary for me at first. When I fell for Dele, I hadn’t really planned for it to happen. I knew I was attracted guys back then, but I’d never really fallen for a guy before, not like I fell for him at least” Eric said looking at him. Jan loved watching Eric speak about the midfielder, his whole face lit up at the mention of Dele’s name. “I guess it just felt right you know, and so easy with him...I just knew I wanted to be with him. Even the thought of seeing him with someone else made me sick”

“You’re such a romantic” Jan smiled at him fondly. ‘ _ Even the thought of seeing him with someone else made me sick.’  _ The words echoes in his mind. ‘ _ Even the thought of seeing him with someone else made me sick.’ _

“Who is this guy then?” Eric asked. “I know him, don’t I?”

“Mhmm” Jan hummed, biting his cheek.

“Let me guess...It’s Winksy isn’t it?” Eric said pretty much instantly and Jan just stared at him, confused. 

“How did you know?”

“It’s not that hard to figure out, you two aren’t exactly subtle” Eric let out a chuckle. “You like him, don’t you?”

“I don’t know”  _ He did know. _

Eric looked at him like he didn’t believe it to be true, but luckily he didn’t press him any further about it.

“How did you tell Dele you fancied him?”

“I didn’t, he told me, or well, he kissed me actually and that’s when I knew he liked me” Eric couldn’t help but smile as he retold the story.

“Just like that?” 

“Pretty much, he showed up at my doorstep the day after I broke things up with Maria and that was the first thing he did, he kissed me”

If only it was that easy, he thought. He was pretty sure Harry didn’t feel the same about him as he did. But the images of Harry naked and spread out on his bed sheets haunted his mind, how much the boy had enjoyed it, how his name had sounded around the boy’s lips. If he closed his eyes he could feel him, taste him-

“Does Sophie know?” Eric asked, tone more serious. 

“Yeah” 

Eric knew about Jan and Sophie’s open relationship, it had fascinated him the first time he’d told him about it. Yeah, it was a bit different but Jan didn’t really think it was that big of a deal, they’ve pretty much always been like that. It wasn’t like he went out and fucked every girl or guy he laid his eyes on, no, it was very rare for him to actually sleep with someone else, but it happened. Their only rule was to always tell the other person if they did and of course he’d kept his promise. 

He didn’t usually indulge in sexual activities with his teammates, sure he’d given Dries a messy hand job that one time in their younger days but it never went past that. He’d never really felt a romantic connection to another man before. What had happened with Harry that night hadn’t supposed to have happened. When Harry had told him about the dream it had been like a switch in him had flicked, he’d allowed himself to get swept away, to let himself give into his urges. The way Harry’s lips felt against his, the way they’d moved like they’d done it multiple times before. 

He would’ve been lying if he said he hadn’t revisited the memories of that night almost every day since it had happened. Looking at pictures or videos of the boy as he jerked off before sleep. He’d even searched for porn stars that reminded him of Harry. Typing the words ‘ _ freckled twinks’  _ into the search bar on porn hub _ , _ watching videos of guys being fucked, thinking of him. 

The boy had been drunk and so had Jan. They hadn’t been thinking straight and their bodies reacted to the tension and as a result they’d ended up on each other. That was all it had been right? 

He’d thought that telling himself that would’ve made him feel better but it didn’t, it somehow made it worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and tell me what you thought, they keep me going!!<3


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off I'd like to apologize for not updating this in like 24 years!!! I've had this chapter done for MONTHS, but the plan was to upload this when I had the last chapter finished, the last chapter isn't finished yet however, I've written half of it. I can say however that I've been writing a few new fics for December that I can't wait to publish!!! Anyways, sorry again. Hope you enjoy!

They lost again, they’d let the lead slip from their fingers. The score had read 3-2 to Wolves. Yet another 3 points slipping away from them, the Champions League spot looking further and further away with every game they played. 

Thing was, he hadn’t even played that game, but in a way he still felt responsible. If only he’d been fit, if only his legs weren’t giving up on him, he’d been able to help the team. He looked over to the boy sitting to his right. Winksy had started, he’d captained the team in fact.

“It was my fault wasn’t it?” Harry spoke into the silence of the car to Jan’s surprise. He wasn’t looking at Jan, eyes focusing on the passing street lights in the distance. Jan glanced over to him quickly and Harry looked as if he was on the verge of tears. 

He was giving Harry a lift, he’d been in no way fit to drive himself home. The defeat had for some reason gotten to the boy. Harry had looked defeated and deflated and Jan knew he was beating himself up just as much as Jan was, maybe even more. He hadn’t been able to let him drive home by himself, not in the state he had been in, Jan could see his thoughts eating him up. He’d captained the side today. It was weird seeing the young boy he once knew grow into a man, a man that captained his childhood club. He knew what it meant to Winksy, how much pressure he put on himself.

Jan put a reaffirming hand on Harry’s knee, giving him a squeeze. He wasn’t sure whether it was overstepping a line they’d created for themselves in the past weeks, but he kept it there as comfort.

“It wasn’t your fault” He shook his head. “You can’t blame yourself for the defeat Winksy” Jan said. The whole team had played a part in the loss, the defence, the midfield. Harry didn’t see that though.

“They all looked at me like it was my fault”

“Who?” Jan looked at Harry, anger slowly rising in him. There were tensions in the dressing room and they’d all been pissed about the result so he wouldn’t have been surprised if there had been a few nasty words or looks exchanged.

“I don’t know...everyone, they didn’t say it but they were thinking it. I don’t blame them though I know I cost us the game”

“No one blames you Winksy, we’re our own hardest critics yeah?” Jan’s thumb moved back and forth on the boy’s thigh and he felt Harry muscles relax under his touch.  _ He should stop that, he should definitely stop that.  _ “Seriously, everyone knows what a good captain you are. We all blame ourselves Harry, believe me, the  _ team _ let everyone down today, not you” 

Harry flashed him a sad smile, and all Jan wanted to do was to wrap him up in a blanket and tell him everything was going to be alright but he didn’t know if it was. He suddenly felt a warm hand on top of his, fingers lacing together. His heart rate quickened as he felt the boy take his hand in his own. 

He looked over to the hand on Harry’s knee, to where their fingers had intertwined. The boy was still not looking at him. Jan felt his skin burn at the touch, his heart beating out of his chest. Jan didn’t pull away, he knew he should’ve, but he didn’t. He let the boy hold his hand, he let Harry find comfort in his touch. 

He didn’t know what they were doing or what their so-called ‘friendship’ was morphing into, he didn’t dare think about it. He didn’t dare think about the way the boy made him feel. 

They pulled up to Harry’s house, car parked in the driveway. The boy only lived a few houses down from his. Silence filled the car, the engine still running.

“Do you, uhm- do you maybe want to stay for a drink or something?” Harry suddenly asked nervously. Eyes finally meeting him. He knew what the question implied. An acknowledgement of that night, of what had happened. “It’s just... I really don’t want to be alone right now” Harry continued with pleading eyes, voice unsure and it broke Jan’s heart.  _ Did he mean what Jan thought he meant? _

He wanted to say yes he really did, but he couldn’t. He’d promised he’d take care of the kids tonight. He cursed himself for telling the babysitter to have a day off.

“Fuck I really want to, believe me I really want to Winksy but...I can’t, I promised Sophie I’d take care of the kids tonight, she’d going to this thing with a friend...” Jan said with an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry”   
  


“No, it’s fine really, don’t worry about it. It was stupid anyway” Harry gave him a smile, but Jan saw right through it. The hurt in his eyes. He felt awful for letting him down, he knew Harry needed him, he wouldn’t have asked Jan if he didn’t.

“I’ll text Sophie and ask-”

Harry stopped him from taking his phone out of his pocket, “Really Jan there’s no need. It’s fine- I’m fine” Harry cut him off, trying to do his best to convince Jan he was fine. He wasn’t fine.

“You sure?”

“Yeah”  _ He wasn’t fine.  _

Harry unbuckled his seat belt and reached for his wash bag in the backseat before he opened the door to Jan’s car. 

“See you tomorrow” Harry said, reaching his hand out for their usual quick hand shake but instead of letting go Jan gave the boy’s hand a squeeze and kept a hold on him. Harry looked up and Jan looked into the boy's eyes.

“I’ll text you yeah?”

“Okay” Harry nodded before letting go, he flashed him the sad smile one last time before he turned around and disappeared into the house that was definitely too big for one person to live in.  _ God, _ he felt like a prick. 

“Shit” Jan threw his head back against the back seat, looking up. He felt like everything was falling apart around him and he had no idea how to make it better. 

***

  
  


He’d felt awful for the night before, all he’d been able to think about was the boy all alone in his big house. Harry had needed him and he hadn’t been there for him. Jan had texted him, as promised, but gotten no response. He had stared at the text all morning.

**_You: Sorry I couldn’t stay, I’ll come over tomorrow? xx_ **

No response. Just the word ‘ _ Seen’  _ at the bottom that felt like a stake had pierced through his heart.

It wasn’t until about 1 pm, after a few hours of nervously bouncing his leg and checking his phone, when he’d decided to head over. 

He rang the doorbell a couple of times and waited, hoping the boy hadn’t decided to head out. In his wait he noticed a car parked in Harry’s driveway, one he hadn’t seen before. He wondered if maybe the boy had visitors over but before he could speculate any further he heard the door click open. He was met by the brown haired boy, dressed in a soft grey dressing gown. 

“Jan?”

”Hey”

“Hi- erm what are you doing here?” 

His hair was messy and his cheeks were flushed pink. It wasn’t until he heard an unfamiliar female voice coming from inside, when he realised what was happening. 

“I was just going for a walk and-”

“-Harry baby, who is it?” He heard a female voice ask from down the hallway. He didn’t recognize it but he knew instantly who it was.

_ Baby _ , Jan let out a scoff at that. She’d known him for less than a month, Jan thought to himself. Lauren? Lina? Laura? He couldn’t remember her name. There was an unsettling feeling building up in his stomach and all he wanted to do was to get out of there as quickly as possible. He felt stupid, he’d thought the boy had needed him but it turned out he’d been just fine without him.

“It’s just Jan, wait for me upstairs”  _ It’s just Jan.  _

“I should’ve called I didn’t know you had company, I thought- nevermind”   
  


“I needed someone here, I'm sorry” Harry looked at him apologetically.

“Yeah no I get it mate, she’s probably offering better company than I could’ve by the looks of things” He joked, trying his best to not look a fool. The whole situation was uncomfortable and he could sense Harry was feeling the same. He tried his best to stop the images of them having sex pop into his mind, Harry and the brunette, the girl he’d forgotten the name of. She couldn’t make him laugh the way Jan did and she definitely couldn’t fuck him the way Jan could.  _ He wasn’t jealous, not at all. _

“I could tell her to leave,” Harry tried.

“No- no you don’t have to do that. I’m the one who showed up uninvited. I just wanted to check up on you, see how your holding up...you weren’t answering my texts that’s all” 

“Shit sorry, I didn’t have my phone on me” Harry didn’t meet his eyes, nervously focusing on anywhere but his eyes “But erm...yeah I’m good, feeling better today. I think I just needed a bit of a distraction” 

_ A distraction. I could’ve been your distraction. _

“Good, yeah that’s good” Jan coughed “Um I think I’m going to head back, I’ll let you get back to...what you were doing” 

He turned to walk away but as he did he felt the boy’s fingers wrap around his wrist, stopping him. Skin burning under Harry’s touch, he was convinced the boy could feel his heart rate speed up.   
  


“Jan” The boy said, pausing for a bit as his eyes finally found Jan’s. He looked like he was searching for the right word to say but deciding against it. “Thank you, for checking up on me” Harry said with his chocolate brown eyes staring up at him. He was being genuine and Jan could see that but it didn’t make him feel any better. 

“No worries, that’s what friends are for right?” __

_ Friends, that’s what they were, just friends.  _ Jan felt stupid for thinking it could’ve been anything more. All those nights and all those days he’d spent thinking about the boy, thinking about what happened that night only to realise the other man probably hadn’t thought about it since he’d left Jan’s house that day. God, he’d been so naive.

“See you tomorrow”

He drove back home in silence, no music, no radio, just his thoughts consuming him. It was a two minute drive but it felt like twenty. Everything felt like it came crashing down. That was it, they were just friends.  _ Just friends, _ Friends didn’t think about fucking each other, sure, there was had been a time in their friendship where crossing that line hadn’t even been an option. Harry had been just a kid when he’d joined the first team, he’d looked up to Jan, idolized him too much. Time passed and things changed, he found himself more and more attracted to the boy and the thought of crossing that line slowly started to look like an option. And then that night happened and it had become reality and now he’d somehow managed to fuck it up. 

****

The next days had been tough, talking to Winksy had been tough, trying to pretend nothing happened between them had become even harder. The realisation that he had feelings for the boy didn’t help either. The midfielder consumed his every waking thought. He was the first thing he thought about when he woke up and the last thing on his mind when he fell asleep. His mind was  _ Winksy, Winksy, Winksy  _ and it was driving him insane. He decided that the best thing for him, for them both, was if he distanced himself for a bit. Harry had clearly forgotten about that night, or well he pretended it hadn’t happened. He’d even gotten a girlfriend. 

Jan chuckled, he’d been so naive to think they could somehow make it work. Not that he really knew what ‘it’ would entail. 

***

It had been one of the hardest decision to make, rejecting the clubs newest contract offer. It felt final, that was the last one they’d make his agent had told him. The club wouldn’t offer a long enough contract and he’d needed that stability, he needed to know that he was staying for longer than a year. It was a decision him and Sophie had come to, which at the time had felt like the most sensible idea...now however, he didn’t know what to think.

The drive home had been tough, he’d listened to Sophie talk about having to start the packing process early, look for new homes. She wanted to go back to Holland, how the kids would be closer to their family. She sounded excited for the new chapter, maybe she’d seen it coming. Maybe he had as well.

At the start of this season he’d known about the possibility of it being his last season with the club, it hadn’t really been a surprise that that would perhaps be the case. But things changed, the night with Harry happened and he’d started to develop feelings for the boy. It hadn’t been in his plans and it made leaving everything behind, leaving Harry behind way more complicated than it had been before. 

Eric had been the first one he’d told. He knew the man wouldn’t tell anyone and they still had a few months of the season to go. They were flying out to Germany the next morning for their away tie against Leipzig, there were still big things to fight for.

“Have you told him yet?” Eric asked, taking a seat beside him on the sofa at the lounge area. They were at the Lodge, most of the lads either in their rooms or playing cards in the game room. Eric had his Maté in one hand and his phone in his other. He’d definitely been with the south americans. 

“No...”

“Jan” Eric looked at him, disappointment in his eyes. 

“He’s got a girlfriend okay, he’s happy now...me telling him will just fuck with his head”

It was true, he’d gone to see the boy the day after the Wolves defeat and he’d had his girlfriend over. Girlfriend, yes that’s right, girlfriend. Ever since that day Jan had decided that the mature thing for him to do was to distance himself. He’d gotten the message loud and clear. The rides to training were no more and Harry had even found himself a new table to sit at during breakfast. They still talked when they had too and he still found himself looking at the boy when he didn’t notice.   
  


“Fucks sake Jan”

“What do you want me to do? Go up to him and pretend we’re all fine? Pretend I didn’t have his dick in my mouth? Like I can’t still remember the sounds he made” he lowered his voice at the last bit, “I can’t do that Eric” They’d tried that, they’d tried pretending nothing happened and it hadn’t worked.“Besides, he looks to be doing just fine without me”

“So what? You’re just going to ignore him until the season is done, and then leave without telling him how you feel?”

He’d thought about it, leaving without telling Harry how he felt about him. What good would him telling the boy do? He’d tell Jan he doesn't feel the same, he’d tell him it was a mistake. Jan had run through every scenario imaginable in his head and they all left him heart broken.

“He doesn’t want to know”

“That’s not for you to decide Jan, you’ll regret it if you don't” 

Jan let out a sigh, he knew the englishman was right. He had to do it.

***

He kept replaying Eric’s words in his brain, the word ’regret’ replaying in his head like a broken record player. Staring up at the ceiling hoping that sleep would wash over him at some point. It never did.

He put on his shoes and zipped up his hoodie. Needing some fresh air. He walked around the facilities for a bit trying his best to clear his mind. He loved this place, it felt like a second home to him, he knew the halls by heart, everyone's room number ingrained in his brain. He headed towards the outside seating area, the spot he spent many evenings by. As he approached he noticed someone already occupying one of the seats. Jan didn’t need to look twice to know who it was. He recognized the boy from miles away. 

He thought about turning around and sneaking off but the boy caught his eye before Jan could even think about turning around. Winksy flashed him a smile, and there was no way he couldn’t drop down on the spot next to him. 

”Hey” Winksy said in a soft voice, talking quietly. He had a cozy blanket covering him from the cold.

”Hi” 

He felt his chest tighten at the sound of the boy’s voice, he felt like he hadn’t heard it in ages. 

”Couldn’t sleep”

”Me neither” Jan said as if that wasn’t obvious. He didn’t let himself think about what the words really meant, didn’t even let his mind go there. 

”You nervous? About the game?” Jan heard himself ask and Winksy looked up at him and back into the distance, letting out a little laugh. Jan could read the boy a bit too well, he knew he’d got it right, but that wasn't the only thing bothering the boy.

”Yeah a bit,” The boy said. 

They let silence wash over them both for a bit. Jan wasn’t really sure what to say to the midfielder. 

“I’ve got wine,” Winsky said after a while leaning into Jans space to show him the hidden Wine bottle underneath the blanket.

Jan couldn’t help but smile as he took the bottle from the boy's hand and brought it to his lips. He knew that if anyone saw them they’d be in trouble, but it wasn't like he was going to start tomorrow either. They passed the bottle between them until they both fell back into normal conversation. Jokes and banter and quiet giggles flying between them. There hadn’t been much wine in the bottle to begin with since the boy had stolen it from the christmas party months back and stored it in his room for occasions, which impressed did quite impress Jan.

”I missed this” Jan said. 

”Me too” 

”You know…” The boy began, finding Jan’s hand. Fingertips traced the back of his hand, ghosting over Jan’s skin. He couldn’t help but let out an exhale of breath.

”I used to look up to you, I used to think you were so cool” He said, voice soft and gentle making sure Jan in no way could take it the wrong way.

”Used to?”

Winksy smiled, his eyes crinkled the way that made Jan’s heart melt. ”I still do” 

“You’re making me feel old”

“You are”

“I suppose I am” Jan smiled. “I remember being your age, I’d just moved to England. Feels like ages ago now. Everything was so new...so exciting”

“What changed?”

“Nothing...I guess, nothing really changed”

He didn’t know what it was that had drawn him to the boy in the first place. Maybe it had been his youthful charm that reminded him of the one he used to have, or maybe it was the way the boy’s innocent eyes pierced through his soul whenever they met his. Like they were asking a question, begging him to get closer, daring him to do so. 

“What are you thinking about?” The boy spoke, breaking Jan out of his thoughts.

_ How much I want to kiss you. _

“Everything” He said instead, watching Winksy’s eyes flicker down before catching Jan’s eyes yet again.  _ There it was, the look.  _ The furrowed brows, big innocent eyes staring back at him.

“Everything...everything” The boy repeated to himself, like he was trying to figure out what it meant. 

”I’m leaving at the end of the season Winksy” Jan suddenly blurted out, it had just slipped out of him. The boy tensed up, his whole demeanor changing from just a second ago.

”What?” 

”They offered me a final contract yesterday and I declined. They’re not going to offer me anything better which means...these are my last months at the club”

”So what...you’re leaving?”

Jan nodded, he saw the hurt in the boy's eyes. It was like Jan had stabbed him in the back, eyes glossy, mind still trying to wrap around Jan’s words.

“You’re leaving? Just like that...you’re leaving?”

“I’m so sorry Winksy-” He tried to reach out but Harry shifted away from his touch. Jan hated everything about it.

“No” the boy stood up from his seat “N-no you’re not sorry Jan, you’re not” 

”I thought- I thought…fuck, it doesn’t even matter anymore does it?” 

Jan wanted to say something, respond, reach out but nothing came out. Harry waited for any type of response but Jan couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Jan saw a tear rolling down the boy's freckled cheek as the boy turned around and walked away. Harry disappeared into the building, Jan’s heart shattering to million pieces as he realized that he’d probably fucked it all up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I would love to here you're thoughts, please leave a comment<3

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, it's not finished ;) I'm hoping on posting the second chapter either tomorrow or on Sunday!! it's been really long since I've done anything chaptered so I'm suuuper excited<3 (Follow me on Tumblr: Trentvandijk) Leave me a comment if you liked it<3


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